Movie Review: Kiltro

Alright then it has been 17 days since my last review so I thought this one should be about a movie that i actually thought was pretty damn good.

So, I was in my local video store and saw this movie Kiltro on the shelves. From first glance it looked like a pretty good movie, but I was cautious with that thinking though because I have thought that about other movies but they turned out to be total crap. I wasn't thinking it would be anything outstanding, just your ordinary everyday martial arts film. Anyway, I rented and it was pretty good. A lot of nice moves, that even though some of them would be totally impossible in real life, were still pretty sweet.

DVD Info:
To begin with this movie is the first martial arts film from Chile. Released in 2006 on DVD in Chile, the original DVD didn't have any English subtitles or dubbing. The director is Erenesto Espinoza, and this is the first of his two films he directed and wrote. Released by Magnolia Films it has a run time of 98 minutes. It has audio in both English and Spanish, as well as Subtitles in both English and Spanish.

Suggestion:
Normally with foreign films I would watch it with subtitles, but for some reason the Spanish voices were just really irritating to me. So I put up with English Dubbing that didn't fit the movements of the actors mouths very well to save me from a headache. I would suggest if you watch this to do the same.

The Review and Summary:
Now this movie stars Martial Artist Mark Zaror (Into the Flames, Hard as Nails, The Rock's Stunt Double in the Rundown) plays Zamir the young man who is the leader of a group of thugs known as the Kiltros. Zamir saved Kim (Caterina Jadresic) a half Korean girl, from being raped two years prior to the time of the film. Since then he has been in love with her and beats up any guy that he sees with her in a misguided attempt to win her love.

Enter the villain, Max Kalba (Miguel Angel De Luca) who has returned to take revenge on everyone connected to a group of extremely powerful martial artists known as the "Sect". His main target being Kim's father, Teran (Man Soo Yoon). Throughout the movie the reason for Kalba's hatred for Teran and the "Sect" is revealed by the use of the classic flashback. Now this is Miguel's first movie and I hope won't be his last because he has great screen presence and he plays a villain really well.

With the appearance of Kalba, Zamir's journey to becoming what he is destined to be begins. Which is nice because till this point Zamir looks like and acts like creepy stalker type of guy. Yet once Zamir becomes "Kiltro" it is apparent that Mark Zaror is an accomplished martial artist doing moves that you would think would be done in CGI, but thankfully they aren't. When you watch him move you will be amazed because Zaror is built like a tank and to see him perform a jumping and spinning martial arts form that looks a bit like the Wushu fighting style that the actor Ray Park is trained in.

This movie also puts in some of the other worldly martial arts aspects that a lot of us are accustomed to from the martial arts films of the 1960s and 1970s. With the physics defying moves reminiscent of such old school martial arts films as the original Drunken Master. Another aspect familiar to martial arts films is the mystical master, who in this movie turns out to be a mystical dwarf name Nik Nak played by Roberto Avendano and of course the down on his luck, drunk master named Jose Soto played by Alejandro Castillo.

Another aspect of this film that made it pleasing to watch was the soundtrack. After doing research I found that the soundtrack; with the exception of David Bowie's song "Modern Love"; was actually a "hodge-podge" of Ennio Morricone music; the man who composed the characteristic soundtracks to Sergio Leone's "Spaghetti Westerns". Which made it even more enjoyable because I liked the music and it actually fit the mood of the movie surprisingly well.

Overall this film was very enjoyable, now there were some slow parts in the beginning but after that it kicked much, much ass. I especially liked the talon-like weapons Zamir wears around his ankles making the heels of his feet very deadly. They kind of reminded me of the movie"Ichi the Killer", where the main character wore blades on his boots.

The Verdict:
I give Kiltro, a 5 Nunchaku out of 5. Go out and pick this up it is a definite must for any martial arts movie collector.

Movie Review: The Caretaker

When I got this movie, I was actually pretty excited. I mean from what I had heard about it and read on the back of the DVD case, it seemed like it was going to be a pretty cool movie. I mean come on it has Judd Nelson in it, and I will admit I am a fan of Judd.

Unfortunately, my excitement was short lived the first five minutes into the movie. When it became extremely clear to me that this was going to be another walk down the street that is a crappy teen horror flick.


Plot: Simplified
Basically, three guys pick up their dates in a limo to take them to the Halloween Dance. Yet instead of going to the dance they take them to an abandoned Grapefruit Orchard and tell them the story of The Caretaker as a Halloween prank to scare them so they can get laid.

The Crap:
The acting from the main group of young actors, playing teenagers, was extremely horrible. Each character was basically a diluted, overly done, stereotypical piece of drek.

The killings; the parts that should have been goretastic, where pathetic and watered down. Cutting away at the best moments. I mean what kind of slasher flick does not show you a chick who is baring her breasts get gutted like a fish. I mean really.

Finally the thing that really made me feel sick was the freaking plot. Now the story about The Caretaker was pretty generic, but good. Yet the little twist was a pathetic attempt at irony. The big old secret of the movie is that Judd Nelson's character who we see at the beginning of the movie dropping his daughter off at a school dance; is none other the damn Caretaker. A fact that I actually figured out about halfway through the damn movie. Whoever thought that this was a good ending to this movie, should be flogged with a leather belt.

Saving Points:
Yes, there were two saving points of this movie. The first of course was the fact that Jennifer Tilly played the hyper-sexed teacher from the High School. I mean the only reason I continued to watch this movie is due to the fact that Jennifer Tilly has a massive "rack". She made me wish I had teachers that were that hot when I was in High School.

The other saving point was the only stomach turning kill in the whole movie. Before I continue I should explain that the Caretaker; who we find out is named Adam; used a grapefruit picker that has been modified with large blades added to it. Now back to the only good kill in the movie. Basically one of the "pretty boys" gets cornered in the room and the Caretaker takes his modified grapefruit picker and hits the due right in the balls or to be even more ironic, right in the "grapefruits".

So all in all, my rating of this movie is a simple 1 out of 5 grapefruits. It shouldn't get anything but Jennifer Tilly's "rack" keeps it from being a total piece of shit.